Heather’s College Decisions for Sex
Will she go for the fraternity boy or wait? Read what Heather chose and how her decision affected her life.
When I was in high school, I presumed that sex was a cool physical experience I would have if I fell in love with a great guy (maybe with Brad Pitt—or the likes). In high school, however, I was lucky. Although I experienced short relationships with guys, I was never directly pressured for sex.
Things changed in college, though. When I was a freshman, a senior fraternity guy was interested in me… and he was a total hottie! I was flattered and easily could have fallen into a sexual relationship. But, if I were to have sex, I wanted the reason to be love (isn’t it called “making love”). Frat boy and I were far from being in love, in fact, people that knew him well said he just got out of a long-term relationship and I could be his “rebound girl.” So, although senior boy was a babe, I thought it best to not have sex, even though it could have been a lot of fun and the opportunity was there. We would have had sex for the wrong reasons, and I didn’t want to be used, or to use him so I could feel special for “being with” a senior frat guy.
So I started to wonder, “When is the best time to have sex so that you’re not using people or getting used?” I opened my eyes a little wider to find that a lot of my friends having sex weren’t really in love—they just liked the attention boys would give them from sex. And even those in serious relationships were using often sex for comfort, pleasure, security, or just so to please the other person so they wouldn’t leave the relationship. And when sexually active couples would break up, the pain and confusion seemed to be incredibly devastating. There was a lot more “using” and heartache than I imagined when it came to premarital sex.
Then, I was introduced to chastity. I learned that chastity is a gift of respecting sex as an incredibly powerful bonding and creative experience. This gift is so powerful that the only time sex is sincerely giving and loving is through the bonds of marriage, when two people are in a situation stable enough to give themselves completely and can handle the possible outcome (a baby). When my friends were having sex outside of marriage, they might have thought they were doing a loving thing for their boy/girlfriend. But, in essence they were hurting the other person by bonding so tightly that breaking up had to be damaging, and by putting the other person at risk of STD’s and/or pregnancy.
Some of my close friends also found themselves in very serious relationships where the sex was causing a great deal of harm (in fact, I’ve never known of a relationship outside of marriage where the sex helps the relationship). For example, Sam stayed with a girl for years because he was so bonded with her through sex. He seriously considered marriage with this woman, but the relationship was very unhealthy (emotional abuse, and one person more controlling than the other). But, my friend couldn’t see all these problems clearly because he was focused on the comfort and intimacy of the sexual relationship. Then, I noticed many friends who were ignoring major flaws in their partner, simply because they were caught up in the sexual/physical intimacy. This is certainly not the most effective way to find a mate. And even if you’re not looking, having sex in a relationship is a habit most people wouldn’t be willing to stop once they did start looking for the “right one.”
Once I really opened my eyes to what sex was doing to my friends, I realized that this intended beautiful experience was not close to what it should be when used outside of marriage. Then, I decided I didn’t want sex before marriage. I wanted the physical aspect of the gift to be awesome in marriage and didn’t want to diminish the power of sex before my wedding day (sex is always better when you can give ALL of yourself). I also wanted to be able to make a good decision on the person I would marry. The fear of divorce (an all-to-common phenomenon in our society) has encouraged me to do everything possible to make sure I don’t make some major mistakes in my choice of a husband.
My experience, and observations of friends and family, has only brought to light that God’s plan is truly the best way to live out our sexuality. God says to not have sex out of marriage not because he wants to take away any fun, but because He wants us to be truly free (and free to have great fun in marriage). He doesn’t want any of his children to be used, to suffer great, unnecessary pain, to make poor marriage decisions or to possibly suffer in marriage. I have finally come to appreciate God’s plan, and listen to his suggestions.
In conclusion, I have chosen chastity out of respect for myself, for those I date, for my marriage, and my relationship with God. I also want to be certain that I am living and seeking true love, not a love that is selfish in any way. I can only do this with God’s help because He is the source of unconditional love. If I get married, I want to be certain my spouse is living out true love as well. Chastity is the only way to guarantee the person that you are with that you love them so much for who they are, not what you might give one another physically. That’s the type of freedom and true love that comes with chastity.
Now living as a young adult, dating great guys, I’m so glad that I didn’t choose to have sex with the fraternity boy. Choosing chastity has been one of the best decisions of my life. Has it been difficult? Absolutely. Has it been worth it? Oh yeah, and I’m not even married yet.
Therefore, I encourage you to think seriously about the awesome gift of chastity—no matter what has happened in your past, this decision could be one of the best you’ll ever make, or the one you’ll most regret ignoring.