Want Great Sex?
Many people seem to think that the best way to have great sex in marriage is to have lots of practice – with lots of partners – before marriage.
If you’re called to marriage one day, God wants you to have great sex as much as you do — or else He wouldn’t have created it so good! Great sex actually happens when you accept God’s plan for your sexuality through the gift of chastity. What makes sex great? The type of sex where you can give all of your heart, soul, mind and body without ghosts of the past, fear, regrets, or any devaluation of sex from prior experiences.
Have you ever heard of sex as “going all the way?” Well, in sex outside of marriage, a couple isn’t able to give all of themselves in sex. There is no solid commitment to support such a self-gift. Typically, their hearts are closed to any new life that might result from their sexual relationship. The person they are with could leave them the next day or the next year.
How do you get your heart, mind, and soul back when a relationship like that breaks up? Sex outside of marriage trains us to use sex for our own desires of pleasure, security, comfort, etc. That means, when we do get married, we won’t know how to give all of ourselves through sex, which can lead to major deficiencies in bonding and intimacy.
A 2016 survey of five European countries found that people who consider themselves ‘very right-wing’ politically are the most satisfied with their sex lives. While political affiliation is no guarantee of a great sex life (as always, correlation does not necessarily equal causation), there are a few reasonable assumptions we can make as to why those who are more conservative or traditional in their values would say they are very happy with the state of the bedroom union.
Why would that be? Perhaps it’s because couples who are happier in their relationship overall are also happier in the bedroom. They feel more confidence, more freedom, more trust, and more able to communicate honestly with their partner about their wants and needs. Some of the factors that lead to this kind of relationship? Saving sex for marriage, practicing Natural Family Planning (which includes short periods of abstinence when a couple is trying to avoid pregnancy – and absence does make the heart grow fonder…), non-cohabitation before marriage, fewer sexual partners of the course of a lifetime, long-term familiarity with your partner, a lack of anxiety over the status or stability of the relationship, avoiding pornography, an openness to children, and the knowledge that while sex is an important part of a healthy marriage, it’s not everything a relationship needs to thrive. This long list of attributes of a healthy relationship are all part of living the virtue of chastity.
Many people see sex as merely physical, but it’s so much more than that. Sex which is emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually bonding is also actually more pleasurable physically — you’re truly going all the way. You can choose to train yourself for great sex in the future right now, through chastity. Your future spouse will thank you for it.